Nebraska, Nebraska, I love you! ...or so I thought.

Okay so if you don’t get the song reference, shame on you. Also go look it up so you can have the song playing in your head as you read this. I am going to tell a very short love story that actually isn’t a love story at all. But the potential was there!

I’ll start by saying I wasn’t obsessed with this man...but did I know everything about him without ever speaking to him? Yes. Did I know everything about his girlfriend without ever speaking to her? Yes. Did I create fantasies in my head about our future wedding? Yes. Did I also create intricate skits to my roommates after I saw him across the gym? Yes. Okay so mayyyyyybe it was a little bit of an obsession. I was very clever and ONLY addressed him by his license plate because that was all I knew about him when our love affair started. By love affair, I mean by me stalking him at the gym on campus. His name was Nebraska. Thanks to my unmatched Nancy Drew skills, I later found out his actual name was Ethan. To me, he would always be Nebraska. The only issue with my fantasy with Nebraska was that he was clearly taken. I gathered this information by casually doing laps around the indoor track to catch a glimpse at him at the squat rack. At first, I tried to ignore this girl that he suddenly started bringing to the gym. Excuse me?! I thought we were in a relationship. That relationship entailed exchanging glances 3-5x from across the gym each morning and then me creating a dramatic version of it in my head to reenact to my friends. Was that not good enough for him? Maybe she was just his friend. Hmmm...wait, do friends kiss after bench pressing? It’s possible! I would kiss my friend if she was having a good workout! Okay so maybe he had a girlfriend. Whatever, I was ready to break- up with him anyways.

So fast forward a year or two, I have long moved on from Nebraska. We (I) decided it was time to go our separate ways. This had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he had a girlfriend or that we never actually had a conversation that wasn’t in my head. I was living by myself in Richmond for my last semester of grad school. This was also the summer I discovered dating apps. As you can imagine, this was a dangerous combination. I would spend countless evenings walking around my apartment in my robe, carelessly swiping away on my dating apps, and drinking wine that contained 1% alcohol and 50% sugar. In other words, I was living my best damn 23-year-old life and felt super cool about it. I was having a spiritual awakening. One night, as I was performing my nightly swipes, I was stopped dead in my slippers.

It was him. Nebraska. I mean -- Ethan!! Whatever his name was!! Is he single now? Believe it or not, after our very serious relationship ended two years ago, I hadn’t really thought about him much. I guess you could say I move on quick. But now here he was ...ON MY PHONE SCREEN. His picture was basically begging me to swipe right so I could finally fulfill my fantasy. Before I even swiped, I could picture it all so clearly. We would fall in love, get married, and reminisce about the time I stalked him at the gym for a year. We would laugh, and laugh, and laugh about all of the skits I created with my roommates about him. He wouldn’t think it was creepy at all! Why would that be creepy? Of course- I swiped right and wasted absolutely NO time sending the first message. “Hey I think I know you from the gym!”

I wish that were a joke, but that is really what my first message was. Well played, Marissa! Very casual! I am sure he has no idea who you are! Well, to my surprise, he ended up replying. It was a whole big ordeal and VERY taxing, at that. I had to update all of my friends. “Do you guys remember that guy at the gym? Nebraska? The one that I dated for a year in my head?” Once I caught everyone up to speed, I had to explain the current situation at hand. Guys, I am telling you, this had the potential to be the best love story ever! I mean, doesn’t it sound romantic so far? Well to my surprise things actually started to progress just the way I had always hoped. We went on one date, which led to another date...and another....

And then....that’s when I realized....this wasn’t going to work. At all. Not in the slightest. Maybe I had ruined it with my preconceived ideas of what his personality would be like and felt disappointed that it didn’t match up to reality. “He was a great guy, don’t get me wrong.” -said every girl ever including myself in this situation. I tried to make it work, honestly. Maybe even forcefully. He was extremely shy and I am extremely not shy. He doesn’t drink much and I chugged bourbon out of the bottle on our third date. He listens to Taylor Swift and I rapped every word to WAP to him probably 20x that summer. He also spent 18 hours a day studying and I spent 18 hours a day frolicking around Richmond, Kentucky doing God knows what but I can tell you it did not include studying. It was obvious that we were two very different people. And I know, I know, I KNOW...differences can be good. Trust me, I heard that a lot. However, there is a fine line between good differences and then just being straight up DIFFERENT. The worst part is that he somehow really liked me. I am not saying that in a self-pitying, fishing- for- compliments way. Believe me! I know I am SNATCH! It was the worst part because HE really wanted to make it work despite everything I just mentioned.Even after I confessed my previous obsession with him! (It was my attempt to scare him away, I’ll admit it). Finally, feeling very much let down by the whole situation, it was time to rip off the band-aid and end things with him.

There were a lot of other things that ultimately led to my decision, but I don’t need to get into all of that for the purpose of this story. After some time passed, I found myself feeling really bummed that it didn’t work out. I mean, what happened to my whole fantasy? The year of obsessing over this man! Everything I dreamt of was at the palm of my crusty little hand and I just threw it away?! I replayed every date over and over in my head but still came to the same conclusion: we just weren’t meant to be. How?? Well, I guess sometimes the things in life that we think we want the most, we are actually better without. My time with Nebraska made me realize that what I really wanted...was exactly what I already had.

So, I spent my last few months in Richmond with my friends doing what I do best; walking around in my robe, drinking grape juice in a wine glass, and singing every single word to WAP.