Patience

If there is one thing I’ve learned during this season of life, it would be patience. I feel like I’ve used that line before. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned fill in the blank.” I learn a lot of things, ok? Of course, patience in terms of this whole 12-week Ohio situation is one thing, but I am talking about patience on a much larger scale. I am realizing how crucial patience is for being mindful, reducing anxiety, showing empathy, achieving goals, and on and on and on. All of this is scientifically proven by my very own brain. You’re welcome! I will actually go ahead and cite myself. (Roderick, Frontal Lobe, 2021). I really just cited my own damn brain. Anyways, learning to be patient has actually brought me some comfort in an unexpected way. I think that patience is a learned skill, but I would also argue that it comes with age. I have really put a conscious effort into becoming more patient and I am aware that this is a lifelong process. Currently, I am learning to use patience as a way for understanding (and accepting) that some things take time and it does no good to rush through life always waiting for “the next thing.” I feel fortunate that I have realized this early in life, I suppose. Sometime during my late college career, after a few cheesy self-help books, I made the decision to stop obsessing over what’s next. What about now? My biggest fear is that I will look back on a time in my life and feel like I didn’t enjoy it because I was too focused on the future. A specific situation when this occurred was during my last few months living with my two best friends on Main Street in Richmond. It was almost as if I made a vow to myself, in my own head, that I was going to be extra mindful of the time we had left and enjoy every moment of it. Truthfully, I was filled with so much anxiety during that time. My best friends are moving away to the same place and I am left here alone? My heart sank inside my stomach when I thought about it. Instead of dreading what was coming, I tried to embrace every little moment. Every dinner that was ate together, every dance party in the kitchen, every Gilmore Girls episode watched on the couch. Although leaving that apartment was one of the saddest days of my life, I can look back and know that I made the most of my time there and I am forever thankful for that.

The same anxiety-provoking thoughts started to creep in the little crevices of my brain when this past Valentine’s Day rolled around. Don’t get me wrong, I am typically unbothered by these type of things. In fact, I love using Valentine’s Day as a day to celebrate myself! Oscar Wilde once said, “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” Well, shit! I’m set for life then. Really though, I am not sure what was different this year. Maybe it’s because I am 24. Yep, that has to be it. Oh, it also could’ve been the 5.5 hour drive I made by myself to St.Louis on Valentine’s Day. I had an abundance of time to think while driving across Illinois and Indiana looking at cornfields and those random signs every 6- miles that reminded me “HELL IS REAL." By the end of the drive, I had concocted a notion in my head that I am going to be alone forever with a french bulldog named Anthony. Honestly, doesn’t sound too terrible....but I knowwww this is a ridiculous thought. Get it together, Marissa! Another instance where I had to remind myself: patience. I am not sure what my future love life holds. Right now, that sentence alone makes me LAUGH, but I know my patience will pay off...literally because I hope to find a sugar daddy soon. HAHA! C’mon you know I couldn’t possibly talk about my love life without crackin’ a joke. All seriousness though, I know it’s all about the patience.

Perhaps the most LITERAL form of patience I’ve learned has been working at a skilled nursing facility. This is where I spend 30-minutes walking 5-yards down the hallway with an elderly person. Or, it is watching someone put on socks in the same amount of time it takes me to put on an entire outfit. Heck, maybe even change my entire outfit 2-3 times. Or, it is watching someone take one single bite of food in the same amount of time it takes me to eat an entire meal. You get the idea. It takes a lot of patience, which in this case, does NOT come naturally for me. It takes everything in me not to grab those socks and yank them up in a fraction of the time it would take the person to do it themselves. This week was a tough week at work in terms of loss. I work at a nursing home, so of course that is to be expected. It’s hard not to reflect back on each therapy session and think, “What could I have done differently for that person?” I know some some circumstances are out of anyone’s control. The only consistent conclusion I have come to is simply to have more patience. I will never regret being patient with someone. Even if that means listening to the same story 2 or 10 times. Patience leads to empathy which leads to kindness. I just made that up but it sounds pretty legit, idk.

This was one giant ramble. Anywhoooo- peace out Week 7!! 4.5 more weeks to go!