Does Anyone Ever Know What They’re Doing?

(Written on 1/3/2020)

Tomorrow is my first day of fieldwork. I could ramble on defining what “Occupational Therapy” is and how my fieldwork placement works, but I’ll spare you those unnecessary details. In short, what you need to know is that I am currently living in Troy, Ohio for 12 weeks while I work full-time (unpaid). I will be accumulating so much debt in these next 6 months, I am really proud of it.

Anyways, I thought I would be really nervous to start . Maybe I will be tomorrow morning? For right now, I am comforted by the fact that nobody ever has an idea what they’re doing. Really. If there’s one thing I have learned in my life so far, it’s that “fake it till you make it” works in almost any situation. That is a motto that I firmly stand by. In fact, I want it engraved on my headstone when I die. Oh, I also want buried with my retainers in. I know that is morbid, but I have thought about it and need someone to know so why not post it on my blog for the two people that read it??

Back to the motto “fake it till you make it.” I love to use the example of my Graduate Assistant job. Although, it’s not the most gracious example of “faking it”, it still works. At the end of my fall semester (first year as a graduate student), a few of my friends in the program were applying for graduate assistant positions. Hmmm. “Why haven’t I ever thought of that?”, I wondered. Naturally, I panicked because that is what I do best! I have very few flaws, but this is one I really need to work on. I do NOT need to do what everyone else is doing! Well, in true Marissa fashion, I literally applied for just one full-time GA position and somehow got it. I am really not sure how these things happen to me but I’m just here for a good time not a long time, baby! The downfall to this new position was that I actually had no idea what I had just applied for. One year later, I still cannot confidently tell you what my job was. This is where I learned the importance of faking it till you make it. Boy, did I fake my way through that job. That is not to say I didn’t worry about my performance. I was constantly wondering what my supervisor thought of me. Does she know I am clueless? Does she know I meet with students and just chit-chat for fun? Does she know about that one time I rescheduled an entire week of student appointments to go to Colorado? The only thing I knew what to do was to fake it. I was overly enthusiastic whenever we met on Zoom. I would send her updates. On what? I have no idea. I would just update her on “stuff” and “things” and “you know.” Finally, after a few weeks, I worked up the courage to go to the other advisor in the office to try and express my concerns. I nervously whispered, “I don’t really know what I am supposed to be doing...”, and to my surprise she replied, “Girl, me either!!” What a relief to hear that from my advisor. Wait...from my advisor?! I remember walking out of her office and just letting that sink in for a minute. Nobody has a goddamn clue what they are doing. Prime example, look at the man who is currently running our country. Enough said. Anyways, by the end of my time in the Student Success Center, my supervisor wrote a very heartfelt message about me and my hard work! What work? I honestly have no idea what she was referring to, but clearly it didn’t matter. Case closed, folks. Faking it works!

This is all to say that as I begin my first fieldwork placement, I am going to apply the same mentality. Except I don’t think I even need to fake anything because I know more than I think I know. I am sure more blog posts will come as a result from all of the riveting lessons I will be learning at Miami Valley Dayspring Rehabilitation Center! It doesn’t get more exciting than that, am I right?

This was from said trip to Colorado. No regrets about cancelling my appointments for the week.